Alphabet Soup

a friend of mine recently messaged me on facebook wanting to share a poem with me that she had written. she said that she wanted me to take a look at it since she thinks that i am a great writer and she always thinks about a poem that i had written about 5 years back in high school. [the funny thing is that i haven't written in so long] i had completely forgot about that poem and decided to look it up and find it. i realize now that i had written that poem 5 years ago for my present self. i don't think that i was going through any particular stressful events during that time of life but i just wrote it and it flowed... looking back on it now, it is speaking itself into existence and making itself perfectly clear. but anyway here it, "Alphabet Soup"


Angry as hell
But I can’t
Cry and let it out cause I
Don’t want anyone to realize that
Even though I may seem strong outside I really am
Frightened and scared to know that I may never
Get to truly be
Happy cause my real feelings are stored on the
Inside. So I laugh it off as if it’s a
Joke and I’m only just
Kidding around. I really need to stop this because I’m
Letting it control
My everyday life. I need to go back to feeling
Normal and try to
Overcome this pain that’s forever
Promising to not let me get up. I want to go back to my
Quintessence where life was understood and rarely
Reviewed because I always knew what
Steps that I was going to
Take next. And I always
Understood what my
Very purpose
Was here in this world. But now I’m feeling like a
Xenophobe. Like I hate all people but myself when what I’m really
Yearning for is someone to
Zap me back to reality.


(December 15, 2006)

Brain Dead

This generation is going to be the 1st generation that won't surpass its previous generation.
Whenever I hear this I can't help but shake my head.
We're more technologically advanced but it seems as though we're slinking behind.
Technology should be pushing us forward but it's just dumbing us down.
Time spent in front of television and computer screens could be used reading a book or solving a problem.
Niggas is brain dead, can't even READ!

'To be educated is to be enlightened, independent of thoughts and ideas and wisdom.'
But no one wants to be independent and think for themselves.
Following the pack and following the crowd is a whole lot easier than standing up following your own self.
Niggas is brain dead, can't even THINK!

We've become a stagnant generation.
Lukewarm, neither hot nor cold.
Stuck in a constant state of limbo wondering around aimlessly.
How is it that haven't even really progressed much, still sitting on the couch glued to the television screen.
Niggas is brain dead, can't even MOVE!

We'd much rather listen and make foolish music and defile our women than to teach them to be proud Black women.
We'd much rather kill our Black men and sell each other drugs than teach them how to be better fathers.
Everybody wanna grow up fast instead of cherishing their childhood.
Niggas is brain dead, can't even LOVE!

Can't you see how we are hurting one another?
We are blind to each other's pain.
Stop watering the crops of our dreams with our people's blood.
Dry up the Lake of Tears.
Niggas is brain dead, can't even SEE!

I wanna uplift my people and give them hope.
We don't have to stay stuck in that bottomless pit.
We have options and no longer have to live in darkness
We have books, let us READ.
We have knowledge, let us THINK.
We have bodies, let us MOVE.
We have hearts, let us LOVE.
We have sight, let us SEE!
We have LIFE, let us LIVE!

Good Hair?!

So I finally watched Chris Rock's documentary Good Hair. It was a very good documentary and it opened my eyes to something that plays a very important part in EVERY Black person's life whether they want to admit or not. Both men and women worry about it, which is the reason why boys will brush their hair for hair for hours to get their waves "spinning" or women will purchase 18+ inch weaves by the ounce to get that long flowing hair that blows in the wind. What I also thought about was Toni Morrison's The Bluest Eye and Pecola wanted so bad to have long blond hair and blue eyes so she would be pretty because no one would love a little dark-skinned black girl with nappy short hair.

What is "good hair" and do you have it? Listening to these people's definition of what "good hair" had me picking my brain to see if I too felt that way. What do I consider "good hair"? Growing up I was taught that nappy or kinky hair wasn't "good hair" cause it was too hard to take of. I want to be honest but I don't want to come off as vain either but my first thought was hair that is manageable so obviously that person had to have been mixed with another race. But on the less vain side, I think that "good hair" is healthy. Length doesn't necessarily mean that it's healthy.

What struck me the most while watching this documentary was the part about women getting relaxers or what most people call it, "perms". Besides the fact that this was such a harmful chemical that these women and sometimes men were putting in their hair it was also being applied to children as young as three years old. Sodium Hydroxide aka Lye could burn through a soda can in an hour so imagine what it could do to our skin and our hair. A three year old's hair follicles are not yet fully formed and for someone to put something that harmful in a child's hair that early is crazy!

My hair was relaxed at the age of seven and I really wished now that my mother had waited a little longer until Junior High and had let me decide if I wanted to perm my hair or not. I mean I understood why she did it, she had three girls and it was a headache to have to comb all three of their hair but I wish she would have waited a little while longer. My hair was particularly hard to manage because it was so thick and long but still.

What I am trying to prove or say is that you should love and embrace your hair no matter what the texture is. I didn't embrace it and I didn't take enough care of it and now I am wishing it was back to the length and fullness that it once was. "Good hair" can be so many different things and has no real textbook definition. So embrace and love what you have. Love your hair and every strand, nap or curl that it may have.

divergence (fork in the road)

we've finally come to that fork in the road.
stuck deciding if we should make that left or right together or go separately.
divergence.
and i know we're straying from what we had originally planned but sometimes you've got to alter your course and tweak it a bit.
cause ive been driving down this road with you for about 6 years now
and for some reason it seems like we've been passing the same tree over and over.
it feels like we've already passed that house on the left a few times before.
but we keep driving and ignoring the fact that we're not making any progress.
we keep driving but we haven't moved anywhere.
stuck in park i suppose…
the gear's been shifted.
somebody's got to get out the car and make an effort to try to fix things.
find a gas station, a mechanic, somebody who can help.
but it seems like the only willing to make a sacrifice is me.
the only one willing to shell out the money to get our car fixed is me.
well i think i finally just ran out of money.
my bank has been exhausted and there's no more.
but that's not to say we can't get out and walk.
i'm willing to go 'a la pie' but you gotta be willing too.
willing to walk that distance for me and for us because you want to.
love is a two-way street so you better watch out for traffic.
look both ways before you cross.
and hold my hand too.
we stayed on the right side of the street til we got to that fork at the end of the road.
we got stuck trying to decide if we should make that left or right together or go separately.
i chose to diverge.

Runaway..

This past Saturday, October 22nd, Kanye released a short film, Runaway, that was featured on two channels, BET and MTV.
This 34 minute short film was about his failed relationship with a Phoenix. I'm not the biggest fan of this "new" Kanye but I must admit that this video was well put together. He leaves so much room for ambiguity and abstract, what I consider a real artist to be.

I Choose Me

This is just something that I was thinking about recently and decided to write it down, while I was supposed to be paying attention in class, but that is another story for another day...
I hope you enjoy it because it is from the heart and I'm putting myself out there and exposing my vulnerability.

five years
committed to you
i mean, like, my body, soul, my heart
you took me that cold, rainy day
&i submitted, became your slave
silly of me to think that that would change you
so i decided to change me
maybe if i altered me a little it would get better
eventually, hopefully... one day
was available to you whenever you called
no matter the time, weather or place
you took note of this &took full advantage
they say that those that love the least controls the relationship the most
the more control you took the weaker i became
broken and weak, i slowly diminished
i wasn't the same anymore
i wasn't the same Natasha that smiled &was happy
NO...
every night i crawled deeper &deeper into a hole of darkness &depression
but as i was buried deep there inside of that dark tunnel
i saw a bright light that shown down &told me to start digging free
that light told me to dig closer to freedom &away from you
so i did
i dug for what felt like ions
but i broke free
built up all the strength i had once lost
&told you that i was done &it was over
said i was done loving someone who didn't love me the same way that i loved them
i was done trying to change someone who did not want to be changed
i was done putting you 1st when i wasn't your #1
how hard was it to commit to someone who you had been involved with for almost 6yrs
i was done being your fool, your rag doll
i deserved real love from someone who was capable of giving it to me the right way
i can no longer wait for you to get your shit together
my time is valuable &precious and so am i
so, i choose me...

Boys With Girlfriends

I must start this post off with an LOL, the male species are a hilarious bunch! Why do guys, well let me rephrase that, why do people in general lie about having a boyfriend or girlfriend. If you are really in love or "in like" with them WHY lie about them?! And at the end of the day you WILL be found out AND exposed! It will happen! But any way, I thought this song fit perfectly to the situation! Enjoy

Children and Food Ads

Okay, so I have an assignment for one of my Child &Family Studies classes, The Psychology of Food and we have to look for advertisements with children in it. As I'm searching Google I come across that Burger King commercial, from 2009, promoting the new Spongebob Squarepants kid's meal. When I first saw the commercial I was confused because they were after all promoting this as a KID'S MEAL but it was a lot of booty popping going on. It just didn't make any sense, this commercial was too sex-drived and they had the nerve to promote a children's show with it! Who were they really aiming this commercial towards, children or people my age?
It's not that I didn't think that the commercial was funny but Burger King and Nickelodeon chose the wrong audience to aim it at. It was pretty inappropriate and I'm sure that they probably received a lot of complaints from parents.

Jamaica

I'm pretty sure by now that every one has heard about the crisis happening in Jamaica right now! It's honestly really sad for the innocent people dying in the crossfire. I am particularly sad and in fear for my family members who live 10-20mins away from the war zone. I am in fear for their lives, Downtown Kingston is in shambles and it isn't safe for people to leave their homes at all. They're telling people that it is still okay and to continue to go to work.
All of this stress and headache is over Christopher "Dudus" Coke, don of Tivoli Gardens in downtown Kingston. He is being extradited by the US for his illegal drug ring of marijuana in the US, mainly New York. But the people from Tivoli are who are dragging out the process. They just don't want to give him up and I completely understand where they are coming from! The government isn't helping them pay their children's school tuition when it's due, the government isn't protecting them from the crime and gun men, Dudus is. He helps to keep the place safe and orderly even if he IS using "dirty money" to keep the streets safe.
The people are even comparing Dudus to GOD!! That, I think is a bit much. "He is next to God," one demonstrator said. "Just like how Jesus died on the cross for us, we are willing to die for Dudus," said another. I completely understand that he helps the town out but really, you're gonna compare him to God?! I can't even speak too much because I am not living in their condition where I am constantly worrying about where my next meal is coming from or how I am going to feed or clothe my children. Approximately 13% of the Jamaican population, and although it is not very high, it is one of the higher percentages in the Caribbean. So I completely feel these people's pain but I am not sure how sorry I feel for them while they are allowing sooo many innocent people to get hurt and/or die just to save one man!
All I can do is pray for the country and hope for brighter days!

Single Ladies!

Earlier this week, a video of five 8-9 year old girls popped up on YouTube of them performing to Beyonce's "Single Ladies" at The World of Dance competition on April 10th and by the time I had watched the whole routine I was amazed! These little girls are incredibly talented and I wished that I was able to dance like that, they looked like they weren't even trying especially the dark-haired girl, who was in the center for most of the dance, pure talent.

But I don't think that anyone was as focused on how great these girls were dancing or how talented they were as much as they were focused on their outfits. I partially agree with the general public in that they were exposed way too for their age even if their tops were not showing their stomachs it would have been a little nicer. Or they could've mirrored Beyonce's video and have worn leotards but just jazzed it up some to reflect off of the flashing lights on stage. My 4 year old niece is doing "Single Ladies" as one of her routines this June for her recital and they are wearing leotards but they are really colorful and shiny.

The parents obviously had no problem with it so why has it spiraled out of control the way it has. I was taking a Child and Family Studies course this past semester and it says that the children learn bias or that something isn't "right/acceptable" from adults it's the way that we react to things that makes them biased or think it's wrong. the little girl probably thought of it and I can't swear for their parents or the dance company, "Precision Dance" but I don't [want to] believe that these people intentionally said, "Yes, let's put them in some sexy revealing outfits and see how the crowd reacts!!"

At the end of the day it doesn't matter what they had on because if they would've worn the same black leotards like in the video the media would've still complained about the style/kind of dance that they were doing. "As a coach for national champion competition dance teams at the high School level, I blame the coach. This is completely inappropriate even for high school girls."

Here is the link for the article on line.
[ http://www.popeater.com/2010/05/14/single-ladies-little-girls/?icid=main|aim|dl2|link2|http%3A%2F%2Fwww.popeater.com%2F2010%2F05%2F14%2Fsingle-ladies-little-girls%2F ]