Alphabet Soup

a friend of mine recently messaged me on facebook wanting to share a poem with me that she had written. she said that she wanted me to take a look at it since she thinks that i am a great writer and she always thinks about a poem that i had written about 5 years back in high school. [the funny thing is that i haven't written in so long] i had completely forgot about that poem and decided to look it up and find it. i realize now that i had written that poem 5 years ago for my present self. i don't think that i was going through any particular stressful events during that time of life but i just wrote it and it flowed... looking back on it now, it is speaking itself into existence and making itself perfectly clear. but anyway here it, "Alphabet Soup"


Angry as hell
But I can’t
Cry and let it out cause I
Don’t want anyone to realize that
Even though I may seem strong outside I really am
Frightened and scared to know that I may never
Get to truly be
Happy cause my real feelings are stored on the
Inside. So I laugh it off as if it’s a
Joke and I’m only just
Kidding around. I really need to stop this because I’m
Letting it control
My everyday life. I need to go back to feeling
Normal and try to
Overcome this pain that’s forever
Promising to not let me get up. I want to go back to my
Quintessence where life was understood and rarely
Reviewed because I always knew what
Steps that I was going to
Take next. And I always
Understood what my
Very purpose
Was here in this world. But now I’m feeling like a
Xenophobe. Like I hate all people but myself when what I’m really
Yearning for is someone to
Zap me back to reality.


(December 15, 2006)